Contrary to popular belief, this blog is actually written by a team of five writers. Below is a transcript from one of their last writing sessions:
BURT: We should do something about linguistic philosophy, shouldn't we?
CAROL: As long as we get in those crude vaginal jokes we were talking about earlier.
TIM: I don't remember talking about crude vaginal jokes.
ROGER: Neither do I. By the way, my name is Roger, and I've been an accomplished staff writer now for seven years...
CAROL: We all know that.
ROGER: I'm just saying it out loud, in case somebody is making a transcript of this.
CAROL: Nobody is making a transcript of this.
ROGER: How do you know for sure?
CAROL: Burt would have mentioned it earlier.
TIM: At what point did Burt talk to us about the possibility of transcription?
CAROL: He mentioned it to me last night.
SUPERINTELLIGENT VELOCIRAPTOR: I may only be a super-intelligent Velociraptor, but I think this blog should reveal something about the inner feelings of the blogger.
CAROL: You want to remain an unknown super-intelligent velociraptor for the rest of your life, or do you want to amount to something? These blogs have to have a gimmick. That chick who wrote that blog about cooking all of Julia Child's recipes in a year? Look at her now. That's what I was talking to Burt about last night. I think crude vaginal jokes will put us on the map.
TIM: I disagree.
CAROL: And what would you know of crude vaginal jokes?
TIM: Plenty. I wrote a good deal of crude vaginal jokes in my day.
CAROL: Let's hear one of them.
SUPERINTELLIGENT VELOCIRAPTOR: Does anybody else want coffee? I'm going for coffee.
BURT: No thanks.
CAROL: I'm good.
TIM: Thanks, but no thanks.
ROGER: No thank you.
(SUPER INTELLIGENT VELOCIRAPTOR leaves the room)
ROGER: Does the super-intelligent velociraptor have a name?
BURT: I don't know it.
ROGER: I'm too afraid to ask him. He may be super intelligent, but he's still a velociraptor.
TIM: He asked me to go hunting with him, once. But he was being a big baby because HE wanted to be the one to attack the pray from the side.
CAROL: I think we're deviating from the main point here. Crude vaginal jokes will get us on the map. I was trying to explain this to Burt while he was ramming a half empty bottle of Francis Ford Coppola red wine up my vagina last night.
TIM: Everything is always half-empty with you.
CAROL: I'm a realist.