Wednesday, April 20, 2011

From the writer's room

Contrary to popular belief, this blog is actually written by a team of five writers.  Below is a transcript from one of their last writing sessions:

BURT:  We should do something about linguistic philosophy, shouldn't we?

CAROL:  As long as we get in those crude vaginal jokes we were talking about earlier.

TIM:  I don't remember talking about crude vaginal jokes.

ROGER:  Neither do I.  By the way, my name is Roger, and I've been an accomplished staff writer now for seven years...

CAROL:  We all know that.

ROGER:  I'm just saying it out loud, in case somebody is making a transcript of this.

CAROL:  Nobody is making a transcript of this.

ROGER:  How do you know for sure?

CAROL:  Burt would have mentioned it earlier.

TIM:  At what point did Burt talk to us about the possibility of transcription?

CAROL:  He mentioned it to me last night.

SUPERINTELLIGENT VELOCIRAPTOR:  I may only be a super-intelligent Velociraptor, but I think this blog should reveal something about the inner feelings of the blogger.

CAROL:  You want to remain an unknown super-intelligent velociraptor for the rest of your life, or do you want to amount to something?  These blogs have to have a gimmick.  That chick who wrote that blog about cooking all of Julia Child's recipes in a year?  Look at her now.  That's what I was talking to Burt about last night.  I think crude vaginal jokes will put us on the map.

TIM:  I disagree.

CAROL:  And what would you know of crude vaginal jokes?

TIM:  Plenty.  I wrote a good deal of crude vaginal jokes in my day.

CAROL:  Let's hear one of them.

SUPERINTELLIGENT VELOCIRAPTOR:  Does anybody else want coffee?  I'm going for coffee.

BURT:  No thanks.

CAROL:  I'm good.

TIM:  Thanks, but no thanks.

ROGER:  No thank you.

(SUPER INTELLIGENT VELOCIRAPTOR leaves the room)

ROGER:  Does the super-intelligent velociraptor have a name?

BURT:  I don't know it.

ROGER:  I'm too afraid to ask him.  He may be super intelligent, but he's still a velociraptor.

TIM:  He asked me to go hunting with him, once.  But he was being a big baby because HE wanted to be the one to attack the pray from the side.

CAROL:  I think we're deviating from the main point here.  Crude vaginal jokes will get us on the map.  I was trying to explain this to Burt while he was ramming a half empty bottle of Francis Ford Coppola red wine up my vagina last night.

TIM:  Everything is always half-empty with you.

CAROL:  I'm a realist.

2 comments:

  1. You may enjoy this: http://www.rottentomatoes.com/vine/showpost.php?p=18372030&postcount=27

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  2. crude vaginal jokes will get you everywhere.

    ReplyDelete